THAT 70'S KISS - SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN


I AM IN GRADE 7, SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE TRYING TO CONVINCE MY MOTHER TO ALLOW ME TO HAVE MY FRIENDS OVER FOR A SOCIAL. I HAVE ALREADY BRIBED MY FATHER WITH A PIECE OF STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE.

MY MOTHER MAKES ME A DEAL, IF I AGREE TO HAVE A DISCUSSION AMONGST MY FRIENDS ABOUT HOW WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE,  I CAN HAVE MY PARTY.

WORD GETS OUT QUICK, THAT SATURDAY NIGHT IS GOING DOWN AT THE COHEN HOUSE.

FORTUNATELY FOR ME (UNFORTUNATELY FOR MY BROTHER MIKE WHO HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO LOOK OVER US BUT ALREADY HAS FIVE JOBS AT THE AGE OF 17 AND LEAVES SHORTLY THEREAFTER), IT'S DATE NIGHT FOR MY PARENTS:

EARLY MOVIE (KRAMER VS KRAMER) AT PLAZA COTES-DES-NEIGES, DINNER AT LE BIFTHEQUE.

THE DOOR BELL RINGS AND 15 FRIENDS AND 5 STRANGERS PILE INTO THE BASEMENT. 

LET THE GAMES BEGIN (ALL INAPPROPRIATE) :

GAME#1 - SCHOOL - A KISSING GAME IN WHICH THE BOYS SIT IN CHAIRS IN A LINE AND THE GIRLS LINE UP AND KISS THE BOYS AND THEN THE BOYS EITHER GIVE IT A PASS OR FAIL. PASS MEANS, MOVE ON AND FAIL MEANS, KISS ME AGAIN. MY LUCK, AMY BROWNSTEIN IS IN FRONT OF ME AND SHE JUST KEEPS FAILING.

GAME#2 - SPIN THE BOTTLE - YEP, WE SIT IN A CIRCLE WITH A BOTTLE AND EACH TAKE A TURN SPINNING. WHOMEVER IT LANDS ON, YOU SMOOCH (I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT).

GAME#3 - SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN - OKAY SO WE COUPLE UP AND DANCE TO "STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" WITH THE PERSON WHO WILL SOON JOIN US IN HEAVEN (THE BASEMENT BATHROOM WHERE MY MOTHER PAINTED A MURAL OF A BIRD IN A TREE IN A NEST FEEDING HER BABIES A WORM) FOR EXACTLY SEVEN MINUTES OF MAD, PASSIONATE, MIND-BLOWING KISSING.  

THEN WE ALL SHARE THE SAME THOUGHT, "THIS KISSING IS MAKING ME WANT A CIGARETTE." SO WE HEAD OUT TO WENTWORTH PARK IN BACK OF MY HOUSE AND SIT IN THE BLEACHERS . ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (WHOM I WILL NOT MENTION - KAREN MARGOLESE) HAS ''ACQUIRED'' A PACK OF CIGARETTES FROM HER SIBLING.






THE PARK LIGHTS SHINE UPON THE BASEBALL FIELD. WE PLAN ON CAMPING OUT (WITHOUT CAMPING EQUIPMENT - BECAUSE WE ARE BRILLIANT). JUST AS OUR ENTHUSIASM IGNITES, THE PARK ATTENDANT (MIKE COHEN), TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS AND LEAVES US IN THE DARK.

THEN, MY MOTHER (WHO HAS RETURNED FROM HER DATE) SHOUTS FROM THE BACK BALCONY, "DID YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE?"

 DEDICATED TO ALL THE GREAT PARENTS, HERE AND GONE, WHO ALLOWED US TO HAVE SOCIALS, INVITED US FOR DINNER, SLEEP-OVERS, GAVE US LIFTS AND LOVED US IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAYS. THANK YOU ELAINE - THANK YOUR LARRY R.I.P.💕



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